The Miller Family's Story: December 2009

40 weeks pregnant!

Happy Birthday Hudson!

After a night's sleep that felt more like a cat nap, the alarm went off and before the whole "beeeeep" of the alarm sounded, Garrett was up and out of bed running around getting ready as if he were a 5 year old little boy on Christmas morning. I, on the other hand, I knew that I had a long busy day ahead of me and tried to convince Garrett to push the snooze at least once! No luck. Hudson was kicking away and rolling around as if to say, "Hey mom, let's get a move on! I can't wait to meet you!" Before we fell asleep the night before, we lined up all of our bags so that we would be able to get up, ready, and out the door in no time....well...that's not exactly what happened.

Garrett was up, showered, dressed, and ready in no time at all. You would think that I would be so excited that I would have gotten ready at lightening speed. Well, yes...I was beyond excited...BUT I also wanted to make sure I looked pretty on Hudson's birthday! So...I took the time to put curlers in my hair and put make-up on. I also felt the need to double check all of the bags at least twice to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything! After taking one last picture in front of the "It's A Boy" sign (that was sent to us by Carla Ann and Krissy when I was on bedrest) we kissed Izzy goodbye and told her how she would be a big sister the next time we saw her. We told her how Bubby and Pa would be coming to get her to puppysit her at their house. We couldn't help but to get a little emotional as we left her thinking about how this furry little girl has been our "child" for the past 2 years, and how we knew when we came back home life would be so very different.

Um, if you are wondering about the curlers, yep...I had them in the whole way to the hospital with my hairspray can in hand. After 11 years, nothing surprises Garrett at this point. So no, the fact that I showed up at the hospital with curlers in my hair did not phase him in the least bit.

As we are driving to the hospital we were talking about how incredible it was to know that this would be the day when we FINALLY get to meet our son! It's the most amazing feeling ever to know that something so life-changing, so miraculous, was about to happen to us. We also talked about how comforting it was to have the day actually planned out. We had always envisioned such a chaotic and crazy drive to the hospital and worrying whether or not our families would be able to be here in time. Once again, we certainly should have known better by now. God had this birthday planned from the very beginning and had we only had more faith and less worry we probably would have gotten twice as much sleep in the past few months! And let's face it, I probably wouldn't have had the luxury of having time to put curlers in my hair and make-up on had I actually gone into full labor all by myself.....well...for some crazy reason, I can actually see myself gripping onto the bathroom sink with one hand during a contraction with curlers in my hair and my mascara in the other hand so maybe this way I was at least more calm and comfortable while in transit to the hospital!

As we checked in to the hospital with all of our "luggage" Garrett reminded me that in true "Deanna fashion" we were late. Nearly 30 minutes late from our time of suggested check in at 6:30am. Oh well, I was happy as a clam with my curly hair and lip gloss on. We were sooo very excited and thankful that two special friends of ours who are labor and delivery nurses were still on duty! Julie and Cassandra were off duty at 7am but made sure they were the ones to check us in and get us situated in our room.

They had hoped we would come in during the night so that they both could have been there to be with us during Hudson's birth. In the meantime, they were busy little angels in our room and
made sure that it was ready for us when we arrived. Everything about this day was so very special, but it began with the sweet surprises they made for us. Happy birthday signs, words of encouragement, "cruise ship" swan towels, and a very special prayer was waiting for us.

"Happy Birthday Hudson" sign with our little blue hippo we bought the night before!

After feeling so very at ease and yet excited after seeing all that our friends had done for us, I had a "game on" feeling and was ready to rock and roll. Mostly roll....because on top of being swollen all by myself, once they hooked me up to all of the fluids I blew up like a beach ball. Around 7:30 the nurses checked to see how far along I was in the dilated department and I was just over 3cm having very mild and irregular contractions. So they started my pitocin drip to induce labor and speed up the contractions. At first I thought, "well, it's not really all that bad." Don't worry, my Superwoman outlook didn't last too incredibly long.

Shortly after the pitocin was started, Maggie came to visit and brought a dozen donuts with her! Ohhhh the agony! Not being able to eat, Garrett asked if I wanted him to step outside to enjoy a special donut breakfast with Maggie, but at this point I was still feeling pretty calm and positive and although I would have given my right swollen leg for one bite of a Boston Cream, I told him I didn't mind if he stayed in the room. Garrett got me some ice chips and I pretended that each chip was coated in chocolaty goodness while he ate the real thing. As the contractions were coming and going at a "do-able" pace, Maggie was stunned to see how well I was doing. Not only is she an amazing friend, but she is also my hair stylist. So you can imagine her excitement to see that I had taken the time to not only curl, but also style my hair. Before she left to go to work, I could tell that I was feeling my temperature rise and that I would probably be sweating in no time. Always thinking ahead...I didn't want any sweat to ruin my curls so I asked Maggie to somehow get the hair out of my face but in a cute way. (You aren't really all that surprised are you?) She did a really cute side braid, and I would be sooo very thankful for this in just a few hours! Maggie left for work and just as she was leaving we had my mom and Heather walk in! They had driven all night with one little stop to get an hour of sleep. After nearly 13 hours in the car, they stopped at our house to drop off their luggage for the week, decorated the house, changed their clothes and raced over to the hospital. I was so very happy to see them. For a long time I didn't think they would make it. God had everything planned out so perfectly!

Soon thereafter, Bubby and Pa came too! Everyone was so amazed at how beautiful and "high-tech" our room was. Most of all, everyone couldn't believe how COLD the room was! If you know anything about me, you know that I am ALWAYS cold. I always have a million layers of clothes, socks, slippers, gloves, scarves, etc. at any given time....yes....even living at the beach. So you can imagine how shocked Garrett and our families were when they walked into my room and could see their breath in front of them! While I was sweating away, everyone was shivering but they wanted to be supportive, so they just shivered with smiles and never complained. At some point Garrett (who is alllllways hot) was so cold that the nurses gave him a pair of socks they usually give to mothers in the labor and delivery rooms. He wore them with his flip flops because he swore that his feet would fall off from frost bite.

At 8:30 they broke my water. After watching a million episodes of "A Baby Story" on TLC I was pretty sure I could not only have a baby but also deliver a baby in my sleep. Turns out, everything is soooooo very different when it's actually you going through everything! When my water broke it was the oddest, weirdest thing ever.....moms out there, can I get an "Amen". I was warned - now that my water had been broken my contractions would become more and more intense and closer together...keep in mind that my pitocin drip was increased every 30-40 minutes in the meantime. The nurses reminded me that I could order an epidural at any time, and like an idiot, I said that I didn't want one just yet.

Garrett being super sweet and feeding me some delicious ice chips!

Our families, especially Pa, were mesmerized by the contraction monitor. He would get so excited to watch the monitor and would seem more like a meteorologist reporting a weather forecast. He would say, "and here comes another one, it's looking like a biggie...brace yourself it's still going....well look at that...it really spiked high that time...it looks like a mountain!" While he and everyone else was having a fun time watching the monitor, I had a death grip on the right side of the bed rail. What started out feeling like little twinges here and there quickly grew to feel more like horrible cramps, and then on to feel like....well....those of you who have been there already you're probably grimacing just as I am while typing about it...those of you who haven't yet....well...you'll see! Don't want to scare anyone! ;0) After being checked at 10:30am I was over 4 cm and was not ready to give in to an epidural. (Just go ahead and slap me!)

I tried desperately to remember all of the breathing techniques that we had been practicing for several weeks....but let me tell you...in the heat of the moment, the body switches to survival mode and the only thing I could do was to close my eyes (which you're not supposed to do) and breath heavy and fast (which you're really not supposed to do). All of this resulted in me not being able to breathe at all so the nurses came in and gave me oxygen. At this time they reminded me that if I don't get an epidural soon my window of opportunity may close. As stubborn as I am, I still said no. However, I was interested in what they had along the lines of a "happy drip" that would help me relax so that I could breathe a little easier. The nurses warned me that it would feel a lot like drinking an entire six pack by myself. I believe at this point I said, "Amen...bring it on." So they did. At 11:35am I was given a Stadol drip. 5.3 seconds later the room was spinning, I was giggly, and I was having flash backs to toga parties at Mercyhurst College circa 2003. Had I been given the proper accessories, I would have rearranged my hospital gown into a toga before the nurses could blink an eye....however, I was much to busy grasping onto the rails of my bed in fear that I would fall out. It honestly felt like I was on the "tilt-a-whirl". I was about 5cm at this point and was offered an epidural for what might have been the last time as the nurses predicted that I would be progressing very quickly. Even though I was feeling giddy and relaxed, I could still feel the intense pain and knew it would only get worse, giddy or not. So I went ahead and ordered it knowing that by the time I would be able to get one (an hour later) I was sure I would be needing it.

Picture of me looking scary on the "happy drip"!

My room was full of wonderful visitors at this point, not only did we have my mom and Heather, Bubby and Pa, but Ann also came!! She left work and drove from North Carolina to be with us! Garrett's sister Pam, our nephew Easton, and our nieces Katie and Charlie were on their way on a flight from Pittsburgh to Myrtle Beach! We hoped they would make it to the hospital in time! Our close friend Aaron spent time with us throughout the day and at times I could have sworn he was just as excited as we were...and that's pretty impressive! Our friend Sue also came to the hospital and was a wonderful source of support and love. Our Pastor from church came by to say a prayer for us and to check in to see how things were progressing. At that point, I could only see out of one eye and was sitting sideways in my bed, still holding onto the rails, because I was soo very dizzy and for some crazy reason I was convinced that if I just had one eye opened it would make everything better. Heather would later remind me that all I could say was, "I'm so sorry, I just had a six pack and a shot all by myself." That Stadol is some craaazy stuff let me tell you.

At 12:30 everyone was asked to leave my room so that the epidural man could come in and work his magic. I was so high on life at this point from the good ol' Stadol drip that I think I literally lunged out of bed and threw my arms around this poor man's neck. I remember telling him how handsome I thought he was and how I wasn't nervous about him seeing my backside because I was sure he'd seen so many in his profession. I went on and on...never felt the actual epidural procedure. Ask the "epidural man" was leaving I must have thanked him a million times and probably asked for his number with Garrett standing right there....God bless Garrett for his patience and his sense of humor. While I must have thought I was the world's funniest patient, I'm sure he must have considered administering his own Stadol drip!

Soon after the epidural, I was feeling no pain, still tipsy, but super tired. Time for a nap. Garrett was exhausted too so everyone left for a little bit while we took a nap. At 2:45pm the nurses came rushing into my room to wake me up. Hudson's heartbeat dipped well below where it should have been and they needed to reposition me to see which position he felt most comfortable. After a few seconds, his heart rate continued to go down. They woke Garrett up to let him know what was going on. (imagine him sleeping in a little recliner with bright blue knee socks on with his flip flops!)

After 10 minutes of oxygen and me getting on my hands and knees in my hospital bed there was still no improvement. The nurses made an emergency call to our doctor who had been popping in and out throughout the day. I don't remember much but I remember them talking about giving it a few more tries or they would get the operating room ready for a C-section. Thankfully, Hudson had impeccable hearing capabilities in his "suite". He must have heard this, knew I was scared to death and rolled over to make everyone happy. His heart rate went back to normal and everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. They kept me on oxygen just to be safe, and because after all of the hoopla, I had a hard time catching my breath.

After watching several reruns of "Saved By the Bell" I was checked again and at 4:15pm I was 9cm and feeling great. The tipsy feeling was wearing off and I was relaxed and excited. Everyone was asking, "what does it feel like to be so close to go-time?" I would say, "I have no idea, I can't even feel my legs!" At this point everything just went to warp speed and our doctor came back in at 5pm to say that it was definitely time to push - I was at 10cm!

Pam and the kids made it just in time to see us before it was time to push! Everyone hugged and kissed us before they left the room, knowing that the next time they would see us, we would be parents...and Hudson would soon be more than just a name and a dream.

Garrett was soooo excited, yet so very nervous. He told me several times that he wished there was something he could have done to help. I was excited too but had absolutely no idea what the heck I was doing. Everyone said to push, but it was so hard to know what to do when I had no feeling whatsoever. Several times during the pushing process Hudson told us that he was uncomfortable again and all of the alarms would go off as his heartrate would dip back and forth. They moved me around in all kinds of positions, was on and off of oxygen and was so utterly exhausted by the time 5:30pm rolled around. I was still having a difficult time pushing so I asked that my epidural be turned down. They kept turning it down until I could feel...everything. Around this time, our wonderful friend Julie who had come back to clock in early for her shift in hopes of being with us during the delivery process) came in and saved the day. Garrett held my left hand while she held my right hand and took over as a phenomenal labor coach. Her calm voice and reassuring smile reminded me that I could do this. Garrett was also super wonderful. He was so overcome with emotion that seeing his face alone was enough motivation for me. It was a fight to the finish. I was determined to do this on my own despite our doctor being concerned that it might have been time for a vaccum or an eventual c-section. Hearing that, I was bound and determined to try with everything in my heart. At one point I remember talking to him, encouraging him! Three pushes later, at 6:02pm I heard our doctor say, "Happy Birthday Hudson, your mommy and daddy have been waiting a long time to meet you!"

Everything happened so quickly. I wasn't able to see his face very clearly because with the last push came an outpour of tears that I have never experienced. It was an instant "falling in love" feeling that can never be measured. Garrett and I looked at each other as our doctor held him up and we could barely breathe let alone say anything at all. Garrett kissed my forehead and told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of all that I did. All I could say was, "Thank you God". I must have said it a million times. Hudson was here, he was perfect, he was healthy, he was long, he was calm, he had hair, he had long fingers, he had the most perfect little nose, and most importantly, he was mine.

The nurses who were there waiting for him, whisked him away to the baby station in our room. They cleaned him, weighed and measured him with Garrett by his side. I remember calling out across the room to Garrett, "Is he ok? Does he have everything? I love you. Is he ok? In just a few minutes the nurses brought him to me and I could barely believe that this perfect little miracle was mine....ours....forever. He didn't cry. He was perfectly swaddled, and though I was trembling, I wrapped my arms around him -the same arms that ached for a baby for so long.
As I looked down at him with Garrett at my side, I couldn't imagine life to be any more perfect. I was so thankful for everything in that moment that I was afraid to blink in fear that it may all be just a dream. I looked at Hudson and said, "I've waited so long for you. I'm so happy you're here. I love you so much."

After all of the heartache, the trying, the negative results, the doctor's statistics, our miracle was here, looking right into our eyes as if to say, "I came straight from Heaven, and have known you all along." Garrett and I shared a very special alone time with Hudson. We studied every inch of him. We just wanted to see everything. We couldn't wait to see who we had been praying for all this time. He had beautiful light hair, dark blue eyes, very long fingers and toes and the cutest little face you've ever seen. At 7lbs 3oz, 20 and 3/4 inches long he was ours....all ours and we couldn't wait to share him with everyone who had been patiently waiting for over an hour!

Garrett pushed the lullaby button at the nurses station which played a lullaby throughout the hospital signaling that a baby had been born! Then he went to the waiting room to share the wonderful news! While Garrett stepped out, I had a perfect alone moment with Hudson that I'll remember forever.

We didn't want a crowd of people coming in at one time so Garrett asked the grandparents to come in first. My mom, Bubby, and Pa came into the room and looked as though they had been crying all the way from the waiting room. I wished more than anything that my dad would have been able to be with us. I thought about him all day and knew it broke his heart not to be by my side. He was with me though, every step of the way. My mom kept him updated every minute of the day so he wouldn't miss a thing. There was something very special in seeing my mom, and Garrett's parents hold Hudson. How amazing it must have been for them to see their own children be parents and to remember what it was like when we were born. Heather and Pam came next and were also so very excited and full of emotion. It was incredible for me to see Heather hold Hudson for the first time, thinking about all of those years we played with dolls pretending to be mommies, sharing secrets about boyfriends, and planning for our futures together....and now see her as a part of my "happily ever after".

Ann, Maggie, Dave, and our friend Cassandra who had clocked in for her night shift for the nursery also came in to see Hudson. Ann, who has shared everything with me for the past almost 6 years was overcome with emotion as well as she held him for the first time knowing how long I have waited for him. Maggie and Dave were so thrilled to be there with us and Maggie was soo very excited to hold him. Dave couldn't believe we were finally parents and was so excited to be a part of our special night. Cassandra was so happy to be on duty for Hudson's first night and went on and on about how absolutely adorable he was. Julie, who had been with us from the delivery stayed with me the entire time and made sure that I was ok and taken care of. We were so blessed to have had her by our sides. She made a profound difference in our own baby story and gave me all the motivation, encouragement, support, and love I could have asked for. Julie will always be a special part of our memory of Hudson's birth.

Everyone hurried out to watch as the nurses brought Hudson into the nursery. Garrett escorted him of course! We never thought we would have anyone with us as we welcomed Hudson into this world seeing as how we were so very far from our families. Not only did we have most of our family with us, but God also showed us how he has blessed our lives with such incredible friends...Friends who have become our family. Looking out at the other side of the nursery window and seeing how many people we had with us was overwhelming and life-changing. I will never forget that image for as long as I live. Not only did we have a crowd of family and friends there with us, we knew we had so many more in several different states all thinking about us, praying for us, loving us. We felt you all there with us that night.

Watching Garrett look at Hudson in the nursery while Cassandra gave him a bath and dressed him made me fall in love with him all over again. The way he barely even blinked because he was so excited to watch Hudson in fear of missing something tugged at my heart. Julie wheeled me into the nursery, still very weak, so that I could be a part of the experience. When Julie said it was time for me to go get checked into my new room, she wheeled me over to where Cassandra was taking care of Hudson in front of the nursery window. Hudson was making these tiny little baby cries with his little lower lip quivering and it took every little bit of what was left of my energy not to scoop him up into my arms to tell him that I was there and that it would be ok. Instead, I leaned up and over into his little bin and whispered, "I'm right here, everything will be ok." At that moment he completely stopped and made all the nurses get a little teary eyed. I, of course hadn't stopped crying since the second he was born!

Julie took me to my new room and helped me get all settled. Soon, Garrett, our families and friends came to visit for a short while. Cassandra brought Hudson in just as Jim, Sue, Kristin, Justin, Richard and April came to visit too. Dave went out and brought us Fox's Pizza (a favorite from home) to celebrate a very long and very emotional day. Maggie redid my hair as Heather, my mom and Ann rearranged all of the presents and goodies in the room. Our nieces were not allowed into the room due to the increased H1N1 precautions. They were heartbroken! They had waited so very long to meet Hudson. We were happy to know that they were at least able to see him through the nursery glass.

By 11:45pm our visitors began to leave. My mom and Heather were the last to go home. They kissed us all goodnight. Before my mom left we shared a special little moment when she held my face in her hands and told me how very proud she and dad were of me and how much they loved me. I will be forever grateful that she and Heather were able to be there. They would be back first thing in the morning, along with Bubby, Pa, Ann, and so many other special visitors.

The lights were turned down, the room was quiet, and Garrett and I were once again alone with our son. Garrett climbed in the hospital bed with us. Garrett and I just stared at him. We thanked God for him once again, sang "Happy Birthday" to him, kissed him goodnight as Cassandra was eager to spend the night with him in the nursery bringing him back every few hours so that I could feed him.

Although my body was weak and exhausted, my heart continued to pound out of excitement and thankfulness. God truly answered our prayers and blessed us with the most perfect gift. As I laid in my hospital bed that night and watched Garrett sleep in his little bed across the room and Hudson sleep on my chest, I couldn't think of a more perfect life.

Here are just a "few" of the millions of pictures taken during this wonderful day!